I completed my 365Project photos... but I am yet to get all the photos and journaling into my Becky Higgins Project Life Album.
2010 was nothing spectacular or wildly out of the ordinary for us... just wonderful everyday-ness. Dare I say it? Contentment even. I have always avoided that word and that sentiment. It is just a little close to "settling for" and "acceptance" for my liking... and that has always seemed synonymous with giving in and giving up to me. I guess I am too stubborn and pig headed for my own good sometimes. Always wanting more, striving for better, trying to achieve higher, feeling disappointed when I didn't achieve what I wanted. Well, dear reader, I have had a re-think. A shift of consciousness, if you will. Content means satisfied... and that I am... it doesn't mean I won't want for more or try my best... but for now I am happy with where I am at... I accept that this is my life for now... equally wonderful and frustrating with all its blessing and limitations... and I am going to treasure every little moment... because that almost 19 year old man child sitting down in his room playing WoW is all the proof I need that I haven't got time to waste on wanting more.
The current situation in eastern Australia, with these unbelievable floods (and fires in WA), certainly brings a reality check. Seeing the images and hearing the stories of those families who have lost their homes, their livelihoods and worst of all their loved ones just brings me to my knees... (put into words by Skye better than I could ever hope to HERE). I have aunts and uncles and cousins in Queensland who are thankfully safe but it brings it all into very sharp focus. Growing up I lived very near a river that flooded twice in my memory (and before my time REALLY BAD in 1888). Anyway, my parents' house sits high on the river's bank so it remained relatively unaffected (just shy of the back steps) while the town became inundated... but we were cut off for several days. My brother saved the town from the latest threat and received a Local Hero Award for his efforts (the photo is him... but you need to scroll down a bit to see his part of the story... he didn't win a Nobel Prize!). I can relate... but I know what we experienced was NOTHING compared to what my fellow Australians are going through.
Now, I have told you before that I am not a deeply religious person... but I did go to a Catholic school [did you count those FIVE kids?! ;)] and we used to have weekly Religious Education classes. I have to hand it to the nuns you know, they did encourage us to question our faith.. and that I did... LOUDLY and OFTEN! When I was 17 (in Year 12) I can remember saying, "If God is so great and wonderful and loving then why does he make humans endure such horrific events?" I can remember a girl in my class, Melissa, responding, "Well, I think maybe it's God's way of bringing us together... people are always at their best when things are worst." I thought then she was the most mature and cleverest person I knew... now I KNOW she [still] is... the clean up effort is all the proof I need. I just so wish it didn't have to come at such a high price for those families who have lost their loved ones... they have paid for us all and my heart just breaks for them.
... and so I have come to the conclusion that I need to show my gratitude more often and more loudly in respect for those families. This life may not be all fireworks and splendour... but I like it that way. We are happy, we are safe, we have five (yes, I KEEP counting them!) wonderful and thankfully healthy children, we have each other, we have love in our hearts, food on our table, a roof over our heads and joy in our everyday lives. We are blessed and I am grateful. I need to live in the here and now and savour every tiny bit of it. So I am going to do just that.
Now having said all that... I also turned 39 this month... and you know I think it kind of fits me. Oh and I got my nose pierced. My niece, Chloe, is a BAD influence on me! ;) I took her to get her navel pierced and ended up with my nose done. Just spur of the moment (I have wanted one for ages but then went off the idea when it became so popular). It felt good to do something spontaneous for a change, felt like I was 16 again! ;) New Year, new me! ACTUALLY, New Year, OLD me... this is the sort of thing I used to do all the time, that girl got lost somewhere along the way (maybe 5 kids will do that to you). So while I am happily enjoying my family and my reasonably non-eventful life I am still going to work on getting her back... starting NOW! ;)
I know I have said something similar every year since I started blogging but this time I realised I only have one more year to get my shit together once and for all. I said about 5 or 6 years ago now that I didn't want to wake up one morning and be fat and forty... well my dear that morning is rolling around MIGHTY fast... THIS IS IT! Last chance... get off your arse and do something about it. Well, I decided the first thing I was going to do was be realistic! There is no use me stressing about it for January. Sounds like a cop out right? I choose to look at it this way... January is always a bit of a write off for me. School holidays... lots of lazing about... no routine... late nights... sleeping in... indulgent chaos! So that's pretty much where I go wrong. I DON'T go the gym or get organised or look after myself better then (inevitably) I feel guilty and by February I have fallen off the proverbial band wagon and given up YET AGAIN!
So... not this year. This year, come February 2 when the little darlings go back to school I am going to spend the day planning... planning on how I am going to do this... planning how I am going to lose weight, get fit, get my act together, get organised, be a better mumma, wife and person in general. Until then... I AM ON HOLIDAY! ;)
So I have also decided that my word (for One Little Word ) will be RE. Yeah, OK so its a prefix, not a word, but it works for me ok?! ;)